Bondage as a State of Mind
Story by: Eric Anders
January 1, 2022
I’M KNEELING ON MY HANDS AND KNEES IN FRONT OF my Master’s throne. Minutes begin to feel like hours as I wait for him to touch me. He finally reaches out and starts to lightly draw his hand down my back. Starting at my collar, he sweeps his hand down my spine, circling around to the underside of my abdomen and back toward my ass. I try to remain as still as a stone statue. As his hand moves, it feels like my nerve endings are on fire. I want to relieve the intensity that has my muscles trembling, but I can’t. I’m frozen in this spot, held in place by his demands alone–I’m forbidden to move. I can barely move my head as I scream into my gag, in ecstasy and frustration.
His hand continues to explore, circling, but not touching, my hole, and then slowly down the backs of my legs. My hamstrings contract and spasm as if he were shooting electricity into them. As his hand circles around the inside of my thigh, and around to my caged cock, I scream into my gag again, but I dare not budge an inch. I fight against the bonds holding me in place even though they’re all in my head: the restraints that are holding me aren’t leather or rope, but rather “mental restraints” set by the expectations of my Master.
When I first started to explore BDSM, I needed restraints to experience the loss of control that triggered release and excitement. But as my experience with power exchange increased, I realized that bondage was not just a state of body, but also a state of mind. Restraints are an amazing tool for creating intense and unique experiences, but instead of needing physical bonds, I felt a loss of control the moment I agreed to submit. A session could become more intense with fewer restraints.
My first experience with mental bondage was during a flogging session with one of my previous Doms five years ago. On a hot, sunny day he had taken me into his backyard and tied my hands and feet wide apart around a large redwood tree. He then strapped my waist tight to the tree with a rope before pulling my head back and blindfolding me. Completely bound and vulnerable, he started the session, slowly building up his strokes until I could feel the heat from the flogger burning off my back.
“The restraints that are holding me aren’t leather or rope, but rather ‘mental restraints’ set by the expectations of my Master.”
As his strokes increased in strength, I felt the familiar knot of tension and emotion start to build in my chest, brought on by the impact. I leaned into the restraints, knowing that they would be there to support me. His strokes increased in intensity until he finally said, “10 more boy, and I want you to count with me.” I did as I was trained, starting at 10 and working my way backward: “10, thank you, Sir, please more Sir. Nine, thank you, Sir, please more Sir…” When he reached the last stroke, I heard him throw his full weight into the flogger and the knot that had built up in my chest moved closer toward my throat. I was almost at the point of breaking.
My Sir asked, “Can you handle more boy?” and I responded affirmatively, “Yes Sir, please more Sir.” Then he surprised me. He walked around the tree and released the waist, hand, and wrist restraints, leaving the blindfold on, and guided me to place my hands on the bark, totally free of bondage. He then stepped back and continued to flog me.
In all of our previous flogging sessions, I had been bound in some way. Suddenly I felt naked, and as his strokes increased in intensity I found myself missing the support of the leather and rope. I wanted to fall into them, to just let myself hang from them as I reached the point of tears, but they were not there. However, I soon felt a determination rise inside of me. I knew what my Sir wanted: he did not just want me to break for him, he wanted me to want it so badly that I would hold myself there as his flogger continued to strike my body. When I realized this, I somehow found the strength to not only hold myself in place but to actively push into the tree so that my back opened up for him.
When we reached the final few strokes, the knot in my throat finally released as tears poured down my face. My body shuddered with sobs. At that moment my strength and resolve left me. As it did, I felt Sir reach me just in time, putting his arms around me and guiding me down to the grass.
Although surprising, when my Sir released those restraints, he started me down a path that would significantly increase the intensity of my power exchange dynamic. For me, being physically bound is like taking a leap into a cold lake; the decision happens in a split moment of will and desire. Being mentally bound is like taking one step at a time down the ramp, feeling the cold water intensify at each step, and consciously choosing to continue. The result is an intensity of submission as I choose to submit on a deeper and deeper level.
“Restraints will always be part of my practice, but I have a different relationship with them now than I used to.”
As my new Master and I have explored further depths of power exchange, the challenge of mental bondage has repeatedly re-surfaced. He values my submission to him above all else. When I am mentally bound, holding myself in uncomfortable positions while he objectifies me, inspects me, or inflicts pain, he feels an intense rush of power from my continuous conscious submission. From sitting like a dog at his side until my muscles are burning to painful CBT sessions where I hold my body open as he bashes my balls, his desire for me to endure pushes me physically and mentally. The result is a mind fuck that takes me deeper into my subspace than tight ropes or restraints do, exposing my will to submit at a purer level.
Restraints will always be part of my practice, but I have a different relationship with them now than I used to. And without them, the session becomes much more mentally and physically challenging. Knowing that I have the power to hold myself in mental bondage has created an understanding of perseverance and patience that has impacted other parts of my life as well. When questioning that last rep at the gym, I know I can push out just one more. When thinking it’s time to close my laptop at work, I know I have a few more minutes in me. And when submitting to my Master, I know I can push myself further for both his pleasure and mine.
