Making Room for the Future
I’m finding one of the more rewarding challenges moving into these late prime years is reconciling how I got here and into my past relationships with embracing uncharted pathways into the future and new connections. I’m learning the joys of building relationships with those who will eventually own our world.
I was chatting with a buddy of mine who’s my age and shared with him the awesome and surprising experience I had of making out and connecting with a guy half my age. That friend asked me if I thought that guy I was sucking face with and I might become boyfriends. When I responded saying that younger guy should be with someone more age appropriate, my friend chided me for being ageist: “Who are you to decide who’s age appropriate for someone else?” Snap, he was right! Besides needing to not question that younger man’s choices, I was reminded again to remain open to possibilities, an adjustment for drift I keep doing as I move further along.
I’ve been having sex with guys for 50+ years and the age ranges of my play partners have mostly advanced upwards with me. I’ve learned to be okay up here in my 60s with the pool being inevitably younger. Though I’d rather hook up and partner with men closer to own age, vibing well emotionally and sexually is not to be scoffed at wherever it happens, regardless of age differences.
The last of my four long term partnerships, which spanned most of my 50s, was with a beautiful lover 17 years my junior. Accepting the novel reality of being the older man in that relationship taught me lots. I learned how to be humbled at not being the more desirable of the two of us in public, how to mentor without parenting, and how to trust intimacy with someone not as emotionally weathered as myself. It paid off. For the time we were together it was a mutually comforting companionship and I enjoyed the best sex I had in my life up until then. I also got to start exploring the joy of my latent dominant side. He was leather naive when we met, totally vanilla and the top in our fucking because of his ‘wickedly curved big dick’ (his description, not mine) and his disposition to fuck like a god. Not through any design of mine or conscious desire on his part but by the time we parted ways he was a secure fisting bottom, a gift I unintentionally left him with. Still miss our intimacy but we remain friends and have loving supportive talks almost weekly.
For the last few years I’ve had an ongoing exchange with a beautiful buck who’s just turned 40. What started off as regular hot fuck buds exploring hot fantasies had morphed into a sexy and solid friendship providing a safe space where nothing is verboten. We edge each other to explore complimentary roles that twist the others’ minds. He’s been a pain pig for me and a happy collared and hooded slave covered in ash with a completely trusting hole that I’ve encouraged and coaxed to be as pliable as my own. With him providing the backboard, I’ve bounced up into sadistic dom levels I had never considered or imagined possible. Amazing how whipping someone to tears comes so easily when you trust and genuinely like that person! We’ve both brought different things, or gifts if you will, to the table. I believe I got him to shift his regard of the things we find sexy and hot to being natural for the likes of us, none of it nasty or dirty. He gifted me the inspiration to explore my own sexual identities further and a confidence to move forward into and gracefully accept this well aged man I’ve become. We don’t avoid acknowledging our age gap. On the contrary, it gets rolled into our play. Having someone call you an old man to motivate you to giving him more than he’s anticipated is mad hot!
Although the quantity and quality has shifted through the years, I’ve been lucky all my life with mates I’ve had and am still fortunate. But I have had to do some work in more recent years to keep it going. The keys for me all have to do with trust. I’ve come to trust that some younger men are genuinely attracted to us because of who we are, including and maybe even because of our battle scars. They want to connect to our shared heritage through sexual intimacy with those of us who lived through our storied history (hello disco, hello AIDS). It’s selfish to withhold from them connecting to that through line.
Also learning how to SEE and appreciate younger men in our tribe without generational prejudice. They’re gloriously as liberated as we were back in the 70s and 80s and redefining what sexual freedom is. It sometimes feels like being on another planet hanging with them but I’ve come to know and trust their welcome is genuine.
They’re our direct link to a world which we can only hope to be a part of. Developing a trust of their openness to us and their being able to intimately and sexually care for us is a late-in-life skill worth cultivating that ultimately connects us to the future that they’re defining for us all.
There are a couple of guys on my horizon I’ve been chatting with, both impressive tops in their 30s with decidedly dom inclinations. Let’s see what the future brings!
Author: Thom Kam
Photo Credit: Zak Krevit; Thom Kam