How To Talk A Straight Bro Into Having Sex With You
You good? Need me to beer you? Cool.
Dude. You gotta admit, I’ve got it way better than you. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. Sex, my dude. Sex.
Think about it.
The three possibilities for people to have sex: a man and a woman, two women, and two men.
Two men is the best possible. Truth. Indisputable.
First of all, women are smaller than we are, less muscular, less physically aggressive. Having sex with a woman, you have to be gentle, take it easy. When two guys go at it, nobody ever said, “Ow! Stop! That hurts!”
I swear, two guys having sex is like MMA – only with hard ons.
And because you both have dicks, everything is on the table. Will you get fucked or will you be the one fucking? Will you get head? Give head? How about yes to all questions? How about Fuck Yeah! to all questions?
Plus guys are always up for sex and like it when it feels dirty. “Oh, you didn’t take a shower after the gym?” Fucking perfect! And men like sex when they’re breaking rules. Take piss for example. Remember in Boy Scouts when we would all stand around pissing on the campfire to make sure it was out? Try telling me that girls do that. Try and convince me. Dudes are like, “You wanna piss on me? Cool. Then I get to piss on you.” When it comes to sex, nothing freaks guys out. Everything is up for consideration.
And guys want to have sex all the time anywhere. A straight friend of mine told me that he’s lucky if his wife gives him a blowjob once a year on his birthday. That sucks! Or rather, it doesn’t suck. Dude, I love sucking dick. I love showing my man what I can do, having him just lie back and enjoy that shit. All the way in, all the way out. Until he’s ready to shoot that load on my face. Call me cocksucker? Call me a fucking pig? Yeah boy! Absolutely. Try that with your lady. And since a man has a dick of his own, he knows exactly how to make another man feel good. Instinct, dude. Instinct.
Then there’s fucking. Fucking is amazing. Fucking is a religious experience, I swear. Watching your dick disappear into him and hearing him moan, “Oh fuck oh bro oh fuck yeah.” It’s so beautiful to hear a man taking a fuck. It’s an aspect of him that he never shows to anyone. Yeah, it hurts taking it up the ass. Especially when it’s a big dick. But it’s such a good fucking hurt. You grunt and groan and strain, but then there’s that magic moment when he’s in you and it’s like a need you’ve had all your life but didn’t know you had has been filled. Ha. Literally filled.
And when a guy shoots his load in you? That is so awesome. You can feel it, I swear. It’s this beautiful dick throbbing like a drum beat. And shooting your load in a guy… that’s great, too. He’s got your DNA in him now. Now you will always be a part of him. So fucking cool.
And remember, since it’s a guy you’re fucking, you can go as hard as you want and guaranteed he’ll want you to go harder, show you what he can take. I was once jackhammering this guy into the mattress and I had to slow down because I was exhausted—need to up my core workout at the gym, I guess—and he was like, “No bro, harder, don’t stop.”
And here’s a secret: about two or three inches inside your ass is your prostate. Your prostate is one of the largest concentrations of nerve endings in your body. Now why did God put that there? Heh. The man fucking you hits that just right and you can ask God yourself because you will see God. Guaranteed. I swear, you can blow your load without touching your dick just from a good prostate massage. It’s beautiful.
Dude. Is that your hand on my thigh?
Yeah?
You wanna kiss me, buddy?
Yeah? C’m’ere. Come close.
Damn. I love your taste. Beer and Marlboro reds. The Marlboro reds always remind me of the first man who kissed me. He was a security guard at the summer job I had my junior year of high school. Joe.
You’re a good kisser, bro.
Yeah. Work my nips. Fuck yeah. You can go harder than that. Damn, Boss! That’s it!
You’re getting me horned up. You horned?
Yeah?
Wanna follow me into the bedroom, big man? Let me make you feel good? You make me feel good? Man on man?
Let’s do this.