The issue I remember most vividly was #132, with Guy Baldwin, IML 1989, on the cover. He was the man I wanted to be—confident, strong, and sexy. I had tried to be a leather boy, but my drinking and drug use got in the way. Most of my kink experiences at that time were through reading. My using prevented me from fully embracing the leather life I longed for.
I wanted to be an SM player. I was trying to connect with Henry Romanowski and his partner, Fred Katz. They owned the lighting store on Eighth Avenue, near my apartment on 17th Street in Chelsea. Anytime I needed to address a lighting issue, I was thrilled—it got me near Henry, whom I adored, and Fred, who scared me. I probably spent more on lights than on rent, just for those moments of proximity. As I got sober, I stepped away from leather for about a year. But after that, I fully immersed myself in the experience.
At the time, the Spike and the Eagle were on West Street just below 23rd. The men I met there gave me profound SM experiences—I got flogged, I got tied up. But it was never quite hard enough. I craved more.
Henry passed away in 1994, and I became closer to Fred. We played a few times, and Fred pushed me harder, giving me exactly what I needed. He invited me to a new event in the fall of 1995 called Delta. We had a scene in the big gym. At one point, Fred was beating me hard with a belt across my back, chest, and legs. I was completely gone. Lost in the experience. Then, I heard screaming—loud, intense pain. As I processed the noise, I suddenly realized it was coming from me. I had an out-of-body experience. And with that, I was hooked. That was the kind of SM I had been searching for. It filled me up completely. After Delta, Fred asked if I would do a Zeus video with him over Folsom Street Weekend 1995. Of course, I said yes. Brute Force by Zeus was an incredible experience—real SM, filmed live. Nothing scripted or acted, just raw and authentic.
In April 1996, I competed for Mr. Leather New York, trying to follow in Henry’s footsteps. He was the first Mr. Leather New York, and I wanted to honor him. I won. On contest night, Guy Baldwin gave his speech. To me, he was the IML icon, the Drummer coverman I had aspired to be. His words resonated deeply. When they announced me as IML 1996, my mind exploded. Winning IML was one of the highlights of my life. That year was incredible. I met so many amazing kinky men, men who celebrated the same alternative sexuality I embraced. I paid attention. I saw who came to me—for support in SM, for guidance in sobriety. Those were the men I needed to be there for. That’s what IML meant to me.
I never expected to be on the cover of Drummer, but by the end of my IML year, I was. The cover came from a Catalina porn shoot about IML. It was an honor—one I had dreamed of since I first picked up Drummer as a young man. But titles and magazine covers were never my focus. My purpose was, and still is, about mentorship, about helping men embrace their leather selves.
Years later, I was at Leather Getaway in LA, hanging on the cigar deck. A young man nearby was in a foul mood, smoking aggressively. I moved closer and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I’m so tired of being told I have to be a pup or a boy. That’s not what I want to be.”
“So what do you want to be?”
“I want to be the guy on the fucking cross, having the shit knocked out of me.”
I smiled. “Good. I can work with that.”
We talked about SM—why it mattered, how I found confidence through it. The next day, we played. He was nervous, but he trusted me. I pushed him, but not to breaking. And when it was over, I walked up, put my arm around him, and asked, “How are you feeling, son?”
He smiled, eyes bright. I knew—he had found himself.
That’s what I want to be. The guy who helps new leather boys find their place. Who teaches them to trust themselves. Who helps them fly.
Author: Joe Gallagher for DRUMMER
Photo Credit: Brandon Roberts for DRUMMER