I first encountered race play when I was working from home for myself.
Where I live, there are a lot of Latino, Dominican, and Black guys, many who are on the downlow––no profile picture, no information. Conversations would start by them sending me a picture of their dicks.
I’d chat with them a bit, try and get a feel about them, and I always played on the side of caution. If something felt off, I would pass.
Of the guys that I did follow through with, some of them would get verbal about how they love white hole/pussy/cunts––specifically saying ‘white’. And some of them would say things like, “Do you like my Black/Latino cock in your white pussy”?
And I found, I was turned on by that. But I didn’t understand why I was turned on when they went that route.
While many of the men had big dicks, it wasn’t just the big dicks I was liking. It was also the energy that was brought into the sex. The race aspect made it hotter, and I found myself being turned on by the idea. When you’re having sex with someone that physically turns you on, you tend to put a lot more effort into it, I find.
At the same time, I was working on educating myself about what it means to be a POC in American Society. I was doing this by reading the point of view of POC, and talking to friends about how they navigate a racist society.
Of the many things I learned, one was that there’s no one way to be Black. But the pressure of what people think a Black person (or any POC) should be, comes from both outside and inside.
I’m a white gay cis male that doesn’t present gay. I’ve always figured that people would figure out I’m gay quickly after talking to me. But many times, people have told me they would never have guessed I was gay until I told them, which generally happened when I would talk about my partner.
Another thing I learned, most POC have to come to develop their own terms when dealing with a racist society, which was something I could relate to from my own upbringing. All of our society’s institutions are geared towards how to be a good white person, and if you’re a good white person, you will be rewarded with success and wealth. I wasn’t facing racism, but I did face the hypocrisy you find in a lot of our white culture.
I was often at odds with family and school and society, and often in trouble because of it. As such, I’ve always gravitated towards the individual – the person – rather than a type. And that individuality I would encounter just attracted me to Black Men even more. I would always learn a new way of seeing things. And this has always been sexy and a turn on for me.
To try and understand what I was feeling, I went online. I was looking for groups/sites to talk and explore these feelings and thoughts. The results were few and often disappointing.
The first thing I noticed was that the sites were dominated by white guys. The ratio of blacks to white always was more white guys. Their screen names were always some variations of whitefag4BBC/Sub4BBC/Addicted2BlackCock.
And the white guys would make post after post, drowning the Black man’s voice. They would just take up so much space posting pictures and promoting themselves. All in the hopes of catching a Black man’s attention.
Much of the posts were pictures and memes, and probably just fantasy posting. The pictures were mainly Black bodybuilders with 10+ inch cocks. Or memes of what it means to be a proper white faggot. There would be lots of pictures from porn of big muscled Black Men fucking pretty white bois.
Or it would be a lot of disturbing posts about violent fantasies. These fantasies ranged from being abused, being drugged up, and the extreme of genital/self-mutilation. It all felt unhealthy and not at all where I was coming from.
The other term I often came across was Jack of Spades, a white guy that only has sex with Black Men. Which goes into fetishizing Black Men being only good for sex. A lot of these guys could be found on the sites. Their posts were always about what they were willing to let Black Men do to them. Pictures and video clips of white guys being serviced by multiple Black Men. The typical white guy fantasies about Black Men. They are all big, muscled tops with 10+ inches, that have a bunch of friends on the look out to fuck white guys.
I struggled with finding anyone to make a connection with. I did connect with some Black Men. Often the expectations were unrealistic, or maybe just fantasy roleplaying online. I don’t know, because the moment you didn’t agree to all their terms, they stopped talking.
The white guys that would reach out just wanted to boast and brag about the Black guys who fucked/used them recently or bitch and moan about living where there were no Black Men.
The thing is, none of what I’ve written about on those sites was what I was about. Yes, my introduction to race play was because of guys wanting to fuck me because I’m white, and being turned on by that. And I , in turn, being turned on by their skin and race. But I wanted to go beyond just that.
I wasn’t interested in just playing out some fantasy about getting fucked by BBC, one or more at a time. I was interested in connection.
I wasn’t without friends who I was sexual with, who were also Men of Color. But those weren’t based on race or appreciation of race. And many of them weren’t about them just topping and fucking me. One of my kinks is assplay and fisting, and with those friends, I top a lot, which is a form of service for a Black Man, and I’m happy with that. I know, from conversations with my friends that race isn’t something for those friends. I respect that, and have no need to try and push it.
In the end, any group left me feeling just as confused or turned off. Often there was the underlying feeling that attraction based on race is generally negative, because it’s reductive of the person.
There were two men I connected with that I was able to talk about these feelings of attraction and race after we had sex. What they shared was that it’s not the feelings that are the problem, it’s how a person expresses them.
And that’s what I went looking for when I started having these feelings. What’s a healthy and positive way of expressing them, that doesn’t turn people into a fetish, or is about privilege. Because what I was looking for was acceptance above all else––something I never experienced from my family, and seldom from society.
I have found acceptance in different communities. Communities I have chosen, like in the Kink community. Yes, there is a lot of unacceptance from people in the Kink communities. I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it. But I’ve also been able to side step those people and focus on those that want to be around me and what I have to bring to the table.
I can’t say my time in the race play groups was wasted. Sometimes the first step in understanding is learning what isn’t you. In the face of what I experienced; I didn’t see myself reflected in those places, which was heartening to learn about myself.
I’m not sure where to look next to find that acceptance and connection I was searching for. To be able to explore and express my sexual attraction and race mixed together in a healthy way. I just know that these feelings aren’t unique to me, as I did find men that shared the same views. They might be far and apart, but at least I know others like me are out there. And I’ll eventually connect with them.
Author: Ty Peters
Photo Credit: Ty Peters